Where to begin after 4 years of almost no blogging? My life is filled with others. My interesting, complicated and beloved boys. My good good husband. Scrolling through Facebook and other social media and getting caught in the loop of watching "funny" videos of other people's lives. Disciplining, worrying about disciplining, school papers to look through, missed papers to sign. The guilt of missing important papers, or feeling like I'm not caught up with what needs to be done. "Does my house smell musty? Do I need to sprinkle baking soda into the carpet? Maybe I should be washing my walls more, why can't I get on top of these piles of junk!?"... The constant barrage of thoughts of what needs to be done and then the concerted effort to ignore those thoughts by zoning out completely on the easiest method of distraction.
And through it all the constant "Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I have fallen and painfully have been redeemed. I have struggled through miry clay and I have been lifted out. I have been forgiven and found rest. I have been angry, tired, overwhelmed and then corrected and comforted.
My homes have changed but stayed the same. Comforting, filled with my people and my things. I have lost a dog and gained a dog. My outward comforts have increased but my body and mind have struggled to be disciplined which has decreased my inner comfort. Aching bones and breathless lungs. An inner struggle to figure out how to do what is right to regain my physical comfort and to fight against the tyrant of age.
Some books have been read but mostly listened to. I have found it hard to sit down to read because it feels like a luxury I can't afford. I am realizing that it is not a luxury but a necessity that I can't afford to give up. The quietness of sitting, reading and quieting my soul is nectar!
I've become an expert at short form sum ups of my life as social media doesn't have the same space and attention span as a blog. Introspection and diary writing have always felt awkward to me for some reason. I'd rather just live and not try to explain it or think about it but there is something cathartic about taking time to review and write my thoughts out or to explore different thoughts or topics that come across my mind. I am NOT an intellectual!
But there is a part of my mind/soul that is desperate for intellectual stimulation, spiritual growth and deeper revelation. Much of this has to do with delving into scripture but also reading more, writing more and discussing more.
So, once again I'm turning to a blog to assist in this. Maybe to challenge myself to write more which requires me to think more and read more. Maybe just to have an outlet that isn't super public to put things out there that I am thinking about. Maybe we all just need to bring back blogging again in general! If I can't sit around a table with a bunch of people who love to philosophize and talk endlessly then I can do that here... :p
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